i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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