When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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