Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need water and some morals
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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