so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize