Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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