hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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