So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize