why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am naked and annoyed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize