I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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