Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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