Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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