The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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