totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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