Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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