we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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