Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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