Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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