so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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