just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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