when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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