I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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