That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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