i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize