my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize