Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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