Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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