i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize