i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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