Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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