I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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