You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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