dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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