so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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