I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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