dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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