??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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