franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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