i would punch a child for taco bell
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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