Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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