hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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