You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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