Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize