Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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