all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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