yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize