Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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