So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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