So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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