it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize