I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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